No Mood ------ Good Bye Forever to 2010

Today change new hair style no mood ....bad mood don't want to write today . Just want to say good bye to my bad year-2010.............. forever.

Ending Year of 2010 ~ Last Day Of 2010 ~

This is my annual post where I sum up what happened in my professional life in that year and look ahead to what's going to happen in 2011. Basically I do this so I can have a handy record that I can get to in seconds. (Hence the "last day of the year" tag.) Do feel free to skip it. ((Cause it will be boring. Don't say you weren't warned.)) This year, though, was less happy than any of the previous years I've summed up here. Thus my summary is brief. I want to get past 2010 and on to the fun of 2011 as fast as I can. Some say take a step back. We say keep moving forward. Make the final day of 2010 your best yet. counting down the last 24hrs to 2011!

The Girl Next to Me ...

"Do you remember
Many years ago,
When we were young,
How we used to play together,
Every day?

It seems like yesterday -
The childhood world
Of clowns and cotton candy
And summer days
That never seemed to end
When we played hide 'n' seek
From four o'clock till dusk
Then sat outside on someone's stoops
And listened to the crickets
And slapped away mosquitoes
And talked about our dreams
And what we'd do when we grew up
Until our mothers called us in.

And do you remember
That one winter when it snowed
For days and days on end
And we tried to build an igloo
Like the Eskimos?
Or when we made a game
Of raking leaves
All up and down the street
Until we'd made the biggest pile
The world had ever seen
And then we jumped in it?
We gathered honeysuckle
From your yards
And sold it to the neighbours?
And the grand day when finally
The training wheels came off our bijes
And we were free
To explore the whole world
In an afternoon
So long as we stayed on our own street.

But those days passed furtively
And we grew up, as children do
Until we reached a day when we
Assumed that we were too grown-up
To play amid the trees on summer nihgghts...
and when I see you now
You've changed in ways I can't explain
You're like a rose that blooms before its time
And falls a victim to
The February frost.

Because the waist on your jeans is getting tights
Symbolic of a youth that's not your own
And you face is pale and green -
You don't look well.
I see you scowling in the stree
From the window in your room,
It's so rare to see you smiling anymore.
And when a car pulls up outsode
You run downstairs and out the doors
With a suitcase in each hand
And the car speeds away
And the girl next door is gone.

And I long once more
For the summer days
When I stood on your porch
And banged on your door
And bade you come outside to greet
the afternoon's adventures.

Won't you come out and play, once more?
For we are still so young...."

Pardon Me ... ... ....

Can we all just smile and say "I love you"? I love you all. I'm sick of everything being about problems and nothing being about what matters. Work out what really matters in this world. There's a lot of shit Don't make more within your friends. They're there cos they love you and they're there for you. Can we all be there for each other now? I'm willing to forget my differences now if everyone else does too? Work out what's worth it, please XXXX XXXX XXXX

LOVE

Some people spend their lives in pursuit of true love, while it seems to drop into the lap of others. What is true love? How do the poets and sages define it? Read on and you may be surprised.True love is not an ideal or something to possess, it's what happens when two people give their relationship the creativity and attention needed to balance the complexities of two hearts.

Perfect love is rare indeed—for to be a loverwill require that you continually have the subtlety of the very wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist, the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the tolerance of the scholar and the fortitude of the certain.

Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs.

Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes.

Being vexed, a sea nourished with lovers' tears.

What is it else?

A madness most discreet,a choking gall and a preserving sweet.

True love is night jasmine,
a diamond in darkness,
the heartbeat no cardiologist
has ever heard. It is the most
common of miracles, fashioned
of fleecy clouds
a handful of stars
tossed into the night sky.

The myth of the simple business plan

The status quo is accepted, regardless how complex, but we demand the new thing be simple.

Here's a business plan for a textbook manufacturer ca. 1955:

Hire a professor, pay them to spend years making a textbook. Hire a lot of salespeople, have them visit other professors and their committees, selling them a book they won't ultimately buy, but will merely force others to buy. Then build an infrastructure to make sure the bookstores have the book that the students are instructed to buy against their will. Then add meaningless updates to the book regularly so the used textbook market doesn't impinge on new book sales.

If someone pitched you that business model a century ago, you'd laugh.

Most giant industries have similarly convuluted plans. For some reason, we require new business models to be far more elegant...

The secret to classic industries is that each step in the plan must be simple. So simple that it's easy to explain and scale. But those simple steps can certainly add up to a complex web.

Bigger or smaller?

Every decision we make, every encounter we have... we get a choice.

Are we opening doors or closing them?

It's so tempting to shut people down, to limit the upside, to ostracize, select and demonize. It makes things a lot simpler. Not seeing means you don't have to take action. Not opening means it's easier to announce that you're done. And not raising the bar means you're less likely to fail.

Just about all the things we treasure in our world were built by people who were intent on making things bigger, enabling things to be better, opening doors for us to achieve. The line between a realist and a optimist is hard to draw. And both might be self-fulfilling.

[Please don't confuse this with the issue of focus. Focus involves eliminating options until you have so few moving parts that work actually gets done. You can be focused but still think bigger.]

Feeling

I just made someone very happy today and it is a wonderful feeling!

As we near the 1st of a new month I have decided to make some changes within myself. These changes are not for another person or people they are for me and me only because I feel I need them. Am I perfect? No. Am I still learning? Yes.

Last week when life was pulling me down, I still went to work with a happy heart, knowing a had a job to go to, some way to get to and from, friends and family always willing to help, a home to come back to, food to eat and a child to love. We truly are blessed — every day!!

Sometimes we come across extra special people in our lives. Sometimes we come across those people who offer us gifts of hope and healing, joy and peace, unconditional love, acceptance and respect. The world would not be the same without them. OUR world, OUR life, would not be the same without them. It was no accident that God put these people into our lives. What is the best way to say thank you to these people and to God? Return the favor!

A strange thing will happen when we give these priceless gifts away. We will actually get more back than we give away.

It is the only way to be truly blessed…. to give these gifts. Think about how much your life has been enriched by these people, by these gifts. Now think about this being multiplied many times over. That’s what happens when we re-gift these blessings. The more we give away the more we get back. Yet the burden keeps getting lighter and lighter as we give and give. Peace and joy beyond measure is ours. There is one catch though… It only works if we do not give for the purpose of getting something back. It only works if we give for the pure joy of giving – or giving out of gratitude.

Every Night

I dreamt of you every night. I longed for your touch, your deep sweet kisses, the way you caressed my lusious curves. i can’t stop myself daydreaming, fantasizing every touch of your exploring hands and lips…you are there, i am here… these feelings i can no longer bear..stay with me my love, stay with me…

early this morning i recieved a text message saying “my loving wife, i can’t wait being in your arms again. I’ll take a flight on friday and i’ll pick you up. i love you so much..” at that very moment, felt like heaven…a feeling of happiness that even Donald Thrump can’t buy, the great Confucius can’t describe, Edgar Allan Poe can’t think of poetry, and Shakespeare can’t write stories out of it because it i too much for them to express…at last i can feel those hands touching me, my heart, and my very soul… the love of my life is coming and i cant wait to be engulf again with love and lust…

…the way you showed your love, the way you made me smile — INCOMPARABLE

--- Today --

As you lie serenely in the arms of dawn

There’s a heart rebirthed in certainty

Now the rain has kissed

What the heat has hurned

Today, there’s a vow

And tomorrow holds a promise

Between the haste and the wait

A bud is opening in bloom

Quarter past three, smiling

‘Cos the afternoon sun has grown faint

Swept a tucked ‘neath the overcast clouds

Gone hopefully for the day

Tonight’s a start

My cares will be sent to the shores

Knowing that one day, I’ll be able to say:

“Here I Am, Yours”

First time ...

Everytime i see her makes me feel unconciously or consiously nervous. She makes me feel like having butterflies in my stomach or stomach-churning nervous. what’s with me?What is it about you that makes me feel like this? For example: hay, i went to see her one day because i needed to clarify about a slip that i’m required to fill-up. As i sat adjacent to her seat, then she asked me:

she: what can i do for you?
me: (deep breath and looks at her straight) uhmm.. i have a problem with the program blah, blah…
me: damn, what am i saying? this is not why i’m here for. i hate this.(talking to myself)
(there really is a slight problem with the program but it is manageable and not my main concern, hay.)

she: ahmm, there’s nothing wrong here. me: darn. i know (taking to myself again. now my face turns red)
me: uhmm, you see … (then i told her about why i was there in the first place.)
she: ah ok…so, yadah, yadah, blah, blah….) then she said: she: you know what? your’re making things complicated (i dont know if this is the exact line but it says, “same-same”, hehehe)
me: smiles at her and excuse myself. (ggrrr… candice, you’re not making sense here.)

This is just one of those incidents. ”wai pulos noh?”

Overview:

SHE. most of the people think she’s maarte, strikta, intimidating but i thought otherwise. though it contradicts to the way i act when she’s around. She is nice, and accommodating. when she’s busy, well, accommodating pud though she has this notable “don’t disturb” face whenever she’s engross with work, which she oftenly being misunderstood by it(the “don’t disturb” face) . I sometimes get intimidated by it but heck, whether you like it or not she’s like that, so, deal with it(hehehe). The face doesn’t really matter me that much. i like her. she is an interesting person. i find her interesting and mysterious at the same time. She reminds me of my Values teacher back in high school (now, that teacher is my best friend). She’s professional at work and a good friend. She has interesting views and principles in life. She’s smart, geeky, o.c., and weird. She is someone whom you could talk with sense. You could get good advices from her too.

She is an inspiration…

To she: thank you.

'I' Need You Now

Hands down this is my favorite album of the year. The country trio of Charles Kelley, Hillary Scott, and Dave Haywood combine country sounds with pop flavored beats and the end result is the top selling country album of the year. Consisting of the number one singles "Need You Now," "American Honey," and "Our Kind of Love," this album shows off the many talents and personalities of Lady A. They tackle songs that deal with different themes from the album's highlight "Hello World" which talks about the ability to take life for granted to the fun summer song "Perfect Day." With nominations in the overall Album of the Year and Country Album of the Year categories at the upcoming Grammy awards, it's no surprise the sophomore effort from Lady Antebellum tops our list of Best Albums of the Year.

Billboard.com has just released its year-end charts for 2010. Here are the 50 most popular country albums for the year (based on album sales). Congrats to Lady Antebellum for taking the top spot!

1. Need You Now - Lady Antebellum
2. Fearless – Taylor Swift
3. Speak Now- Taylor Swift
4. Play On – Carrie Underwood
5. The Foundation – Zac Brown Band
6. Lady Antebellum – Lady Antebellum
7. Revolution – Miranda Lambert
8. Wide Open – Jason Aldean
9. Southern Voice – Tim McGraw
10. The Incredible Machine – Sugarland

Tears

Tears from my eyes
Burning my skin, down on their way
Bitter tears
Filled with dreams, they flow away

I had it all
Like water it slipped between my hands
It disappeared
Lonely and cold, abandoned I stand

All I was living for
Now suddenly is gone
All my hopes and thoughts
That I had were wrong

Dreams made my world
I raised a wall, with visions filled
Before my eyes
It turned to dust, this lie I've built

I lay myself down
I close my eyes, and resign
Feelings die
I leave my past far behind

So now it seems
Like my tears will never stop to fall
With tearfilled eyes
I watch my dreams just slip away

Let me pass
Away into eternal sleep
Greeted by silence
Embraced by darkness, by arms so deep

I let it go
I'm falling weightless, emotion flies
I fade away
The wind softly moves me as I die...

Passed Away

Soon after you finally passed away
Your body will rot, start to decay
No way to stop this repulsive destiny
Maggots will devour what's left of you and me
Intrude the inner organs, the flesh will not be saved
The putrid stench surrounds the place where you are laid
The veins that once was filled with blood so strong and red
Has now been dried up, such a shame it's to be dead

Now you have become a gruesome picture of yourself
Bacteria will revel, infesting every cell
Your eyes has been consumed, not much remaining of your face
You'll slowly disappear, death has no feeling for disgrace
Even though your life has ceased the abscess will arise
Cover all your body, grow to extensive size
The sight of you is now enough to drive a mind insane
Blanked bones and rotten flesh is all that will remain

Flesh begins to rot
Limbs are falling of
Bones begins to show
Skin has been dissolved
Should have done as they said
Choosed the flames instead

Disappearing like millions before
Unavoidable fate
Don't wanna end in disgrace
But now it's too late...

My Life

I never thought that it would be
Something like this, something I can't believe
Life slips away, I'm begging for it to stay
Desperate to stay alive
Not ready for death, not ready for afterlife
My struggle for life devours my everything

Towards the light I strive
Towards my death I fly

A light in front of me appears
I'm at the end yet here it begins
Slowly I crawl away from the shining light
But something seems to hold me back
Halfway to death, into eternity
The light feels so warm, embraces my dying soul

My dying soul will enter the unknown
Harmony, this fear will disappear
The longing in my eyes for peace eternally
Tearing my soul in two, tears me apart

Eternity in front of me the light is all I see
Eternity devours me, will I be free

A doubt inside of me arise
Return to life, or facing my destiny
I feel myself drawn to the other side
Entering a world of light
Relief in my my mind, relieves my entire soul
At last I let go, I flow into emptiness

The passage to eternity

So here I stand
In this rain of falling tears
Time stands still
Everythig around is dead
I cannot see
I'm embraced by nothingness
But do I want
To find the passage back to life

Left Behind

I've seen my life burned
Before my eyes
Out of control it's too late
Too late to say goodbye
Enter a new state of mind
Release me from it all
Exit all problems that I've
Worried for far too long
Soon free

Cast out left behind
Acceptance will take time
My cards laid on the table
I'm coping can this be
Why is this happening to me?

Drowning you push
Me under water

Left behind

Dig down I'll be found
Closing the coffin now
Forget of my existance
Don't worry, now I'm free
Already forgotten me
Hammer the nails and
Close my tomb

Soon free

Behind The Disguise

Suffer
You will never change
Withold
Make believe fake false stories

No point denying your exaggeration
Lies have you blinded
Half truths decieved you

Hoping that they will see
Will they believe you?

From the back of your mind
Fake promises leave you blind

Hiding behind your disguise

Sound Of Dead....

Once it was said
To be
I am too blind
Too blind to see
I am the one to
Speak of the dead

Speak of the dead

War of the centuries
Raping my soul
I am the one to
Speak of the dead

Bring forth the one
To speak of the dead

Silence, I am the one inside of your head
Hadeache
In your head

What Is Success !

What is success?
To laugh often and much ;
To win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children ;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friend ;
To appreciate beauty ;
To find the best in other ;
To leave the world a bit better , whether by
a healthy child, a garden patch
or a redeemed social condition ;
To known even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived in my heart ;
This is to have succeeded.

Going off.......Remain in our memories.

At the break of dawn

Sister have fly the coop

The house has became more quiet

The voice of him , i will never forgot

His hope i will never let it down

His reprimand i will always remembered .

We was just like going back to old time

The laughter that you bring to this family

A bone of contention with you ;

Have every dinner with you at the restaurant ;

The aching with extreme tiredness face ;

Just all that moment , everything that belong to you will always in our memories.

A shiver crept up my spine

After losing you ,

Snail pace time every day ,

Even In dire need of good rest,

We have change to the nocturnal creatures

Just waiting for you to come back .

While waiting for your presence

Deep in our heart ,

Your face will us over the life remember and remain in our memories.

I'm waiting for you to come back....

Every night in the living room waiting for you to come back and have a look of all of us ........... but there is not any sign.Where are you now ...are you fine, is "there" comfort enough for you. We have been miss you all the time.Do you know mummy have been miss you so much . Every night tears that coming out from mum eye........do you know that you didn't even leave a word for her is how hurt her heart. Amithabha , please let her have a look at your face one more time just even one more time is enough of her even in the dream .She has been waiting for you every night ..pls come back . We know that you are around us in this 49 days but please show yourself. The house is so silent not as last time when you come back home ...your voice ...and bring us out to have dinner every time .I'm missing this all of the day . YOU LOVED ME ..... I knew but pls let me have a look of your face.I'm waiting for you to come back........

Sorry for being a treason son for sometimes........................I'm waiting for you to come back..................

医生说爸爸......<在生死邊緣徘徊>

泌尿科的手術規模不大，而且多數是風險較低的內視鏡手術，所以，當我遇到擔心病情和害怕手術的病人，我都會安撫他們。然而，世事沒有絕對，手術風險再低，也有例外的情況。最近，我一位不過五十多歲的病人，就因為腎臟生石而不斷在鬼門關徘徊。

這位病人因睾丸腫、發燒來到泌尿科，經掃描發現他的腎臟腫脹，裡頭有石頭導致尿道堵塞，感染細菌進而發燒，在沒有選擇的情況下，他必須做清處腎臟石頭和通輸尿管手術，以免細菌感染越多，情況則越來越嚴重。

手術前，病人必須先接受抗生素注射來殺菌，待情況穩定后才進行手術，通常，近乎99%的病人的病症都會獲得根治。這病人的手術在上個星期五的早上順 利完成，他在12小時后發燒，這情況會發生，一般上是因為是在用鐳射碎石的過程中，細菌濺出並且滲入血液導致血炎而至，一般病人若有抗生素殺菌加上本身的 抵抗力強的話，發燒的情況維持不久就會自動退燒。但是，他卻是被’安全’排除在外的那個。

當天半夜一點多鐘，我在睡夢中接到醫院的電話說病人血壓降低，呼吸困難，情況十分危急。這不是我一個醫生可獨自處理的情況，我必須要有麻醉師蔡醫師 協助控制病人的血壓。然而，當晚麻醉師並沒有on call，我半夜撥電話去，他是有權利不接聽的。那一刻，我心裡很焦急，電話那頭傳來’嘟嘟’聲時，我在心裡’求神拜佛’，希望蔡醫師接聽電話。

電話那頭有人回應了，我把病人的情況說給他聽，最後說了一句，’你如果不幫這個病人的話，他就會死了。’
蔡醫師回我了一句’我知道’，然後二話不說，馬上飆車到醫院去。那個凌晨，我們一直在緊急室忙到凌晨四點鐘，才把病人的情況穩定下來。我看見蔡醫師在過程 中是那麼落力的為病人控制血壓，那一刻，我為自己擁有一個講義氣的同事感到自豪，同時，我也為躺在病床上的病人感到幸運。

因病人的血壓下降導致腎臟功能衰退，所以，翌日腎臟內科醫生必須來幫他暫時性洗腎，以便把體內骯髒的血液清洗掉。我和蔡醫師都以為這病人騙過了死 神，然而，星期六下午，他又陷入緊急狀況了，他曾一度心臟停止，我們以為他會因此喪命，然而，經過一番掙扎和搶救，他又恢復了生命跡象。

因清除腎石而引起生命危急的情況是非常少有，這是我回來馬來西亞這幾年來，第一次碰上的棘手緊急情況。這幾天，我為這病人擔憂不已。每次去探望他， 我都看見他那很孝順的女兒寸步不離的守在床邊。自父親入院后，她就很擔憂。她除了很主動去瞭解父親的病情，還上網找很多參考資料，若有疑問就提出來。

我不曉得病人什麽時候才能度過危險期，醫生能做的，都已經努力的、盡全力做了。他三番四次從鬼門關逃了出來，我真不能說他靠的只是運氣而已。若要完全脫離危險期的話，是不是只能靠病人的意志力呢？
我默默地祝福他早日康復。 August 19 2010

李永業 Dr George Lee